Romantic dining is always at the heart of Valentine’s Day entertainment discussions. From choosing the right restaurant to picking the perfect recipe and styling your home in soft candlelight, creating a romantic mood for Valentine’s Day dinner isn’t always as easy as it appears.
Chef Dan Moody, AKA The RelationChef, is a local authority on relationship-related cooking concepts. His passion for relationships and cooking, and the undeniable connection between the two, makes Chef Moody our go-to source for romantic Valentine’s Day dining advice.
Hot off the opening of his new pop-up restaurant in Encinitas, Relate, we stole a minute of Moody’s time to get the insider scoop on how to win in the kitchen this Valentine’s Day in San Diego.
DSD: What are some tips and trends for setting a “romantic restaurant” atmosphere at home?
RelationChef Dan Moody: Part of what's romantic about being at home is that you're not at a restaurant, so I'd say try not to create a restaurant feel. Restaurants, no matter how good, are sterile. There aren't any photos of you - no memories of your good times (unless, of course, the specific restaurant has some significance in your relationship, like being your first date location). Romance is personal, and part of the romance that comes with a long term relationship involves your history and memories as a couple. I've written extensively about this topic, and what it boils down to is that you've got to do something that shows you care, that you've listened, and that you understand what makes it "romantic" specifically for your date. Sure, all the usuals (flowers, candles, etc) are nice - and, depending on your date, may be a prerequisite - but what is truly romantic is doing something that shows you care. Something about the set up has to be unique, and it's something that I couldn't tell you unless I knew about you and your relationship.
One "don't": Do not, under any circumstances, have a candle-light-only dinner. You do this when you have to, like when the power goes out, but not when you have running electricity. Have a candle (or candles), sure, but make sure you have some light to see what you're eating either from a dimmed light or a light in another room.
DSD: Service is a big part of the dining experience. What are some at-home hospitality tips to make your date feel like a princess?
RelationChef: Service is about anticipating the needs of your guest. It can be quite challenging to anticipate the needs of a guest at a restaurant because, unless you're a regular, we don't know you as well as I would hope you know the person you're dating. So, you've already got a leg up on the restaurant. Trying to be what you think a server at a high-end restaurant would be like may be endearing because you will almost certainly do it in a way that does not seem natural to who you are as a person, which can be romantic as well, but it isn't the essence of service.
I tell my servers to try to make a game of it: Can I take care of all my guests' needs before they even ask for me to take care of them? I offer you the same game. Challenge yourself to take care of every need of your date before she even asks for you to do something. Does she look cold? Turn up the heat or offer her a blanket or jacket. Do you know she likes to salt and pepper everything? Make sure you've got salt & pepper shakers on the table, or, in a slightly more classy move, serve the food and grind some fresh pepper on top. Think about what her needs will be: anticipate them. Watch for signs that she needs something during the meal: address them. It sounds simple, but it's a terribly difficult thing to get perfect.
DSD: What aphrodisiacs really work? Is it corny to serve your date well-known aphrodisiacs?
RelationChef: Every food known to man has, at some point, been called an aphrodisiac. If aphrodisiacs "work" it's because of the placebo effect. Yes, the things we eat affect us physiologically (and psychologically), not in a way like most people think regarding aphrodisiacs. Hot peppers will give you a warm feeling, increase heart rate and blood flow (slightly), and make you slightly more sensitive on the lips, tongue, or any other soft tissue that comes in contact with the capsaicin, all of which can be a nice touch for certain activities, but it doesn't increase the desire for such activities to take place. As for being corny: Yes. To me, it says, "I want to get in your pants." Romance should say, "I want to get into your heart." By all means, the latter can lead to the former, but it's not the starting point.
DSD: For a beginner chef, what is a relatively easy meal to make at home for date night?
RelationChef: Honest to goodness, I have known women who crave Kraft Mac & Cheese, or a grilled cheese sandwich on white bread with American cheese. Those could be perfectly fine meals for a date night. You know, there's this misconception that date night cooking has to be complex, fancy, or something "special" and that simply isn't true. Have you ever been somewhere with your date and some trivially-easy-to-prepare food comes up in conversation and she says, "Oh my God, I LOVE <insert food>." Here's my tip: That's what you make.
DSD: It can be easy to serve too little – or too much—food when cooking at home. What is the right amount for a romantic meal?
RelationChef: Number of courses won't dictate how much food is served. I could serve you five courses and have you leave hungry, stuffed, or satiated. I aim for satiated. Over the course of a meal, I try to give people 6 oz of protein, 4 oz green vegetable, 2 oz yellow vegetable, and some small amount of starch. The fats tend to find a way in with the aforementioned. Unless you're a whiz in the kitchen, I'd stick to 2 courses: entrée and dessert. One exception: if you're cooking together, go nuts on courses. Cooking at home is about spending intimate time together. The more time you spend apart while one of you is cooking and the other person is waiting to be served the next course, the less time you are together.
DSD: Cocktails or wine? What are the most romantic drinks to serve with dinner? Why?
RelationChef: There's no right answer here. Personally, I like wine and I'd prefer to serve wine, and I'd more likely than not be dating someone who prefers wine to cocktails. I find that people who drink cocktails get drunk, while people who drink wine drink to enjoy the wine. There are exceptions on both sides of that one, I know. I want to spend my intimate time with a date when we are both sober, but that's just me.
DSD: What is your #1 recommended romantic meal for brave chefs who want to really impress their date?
RelationChef: I don't have one, and anyone who offers up a suggestion doesn't really know much about the true meaning of romance. I love seeing all these recipes in magazines for great Valentine's Day desserts. It's all about marketing and less about romance. If I were to say that the best thing to do is to make a flourless chocolate cake, it wouldn't work for you if you were dating someone who loathed rich, dark chocolate desserts. I couldn't possibly recommend a romantic meal without knowing more about the couple. It would be like a doctor prescribing medicine without having ever seen you or heard about what's ailing you.
DSD: Do you recommend a home-made dinner or a trip out to a romantic restaurant for a one-year dating anniversary dinner?
RelationChef: I like to return to the scene of the crime. If your first date was a fast food burger joint, go back. Do something fancier the following day.
DSD: Do you recommend a home-made dinner or a trip out to a romantic restaurant for a five-year marriage anniversary dinner?
RelationChef: To me, tradition means a lot. There's a reason why Christmas, Hanukkah, and other similar celebrations have such deep meaning to us all: the traditions surrounding those celebrations. I hope that when I'm married, my wife and I will establish a tradition for what we do on our anniversary, and that tradition will be one of the things that defines our marriage. I want to be clear that monotony is not good, but traditions are. Having the opportunity to circle back each year to the same point, evaluate where you are, and then move forward on another year is important.
DSD: How is everything going at Relate?
RelationChef: I'll be honest, it's a lot more challenging than I thought it was going to be. We've certainly had our hiccups, but it's going quite well. The food - on the whole - has been executed very well, and the pop-up concept has been well-received. I received a compliment the other night from a couple dining at Relate that really made all the hard work worthwhile. They had recently gone to France to tour Michellin 3-star restaurants and said my food was on the same level, stating about the food, “Everything was a 10!” I hope we can recreate that experience for all of our customers. The service has not been quite at the level I’d like for it to be if I were running a restaurant that was entirely my own and charging the price I'd need to charge to offer that level of service, but it has been good for a pop-up at this price. Since the pop-up concept is new to San Diego, there’s been a learning curve of what to expect. Some people understand that it's a temporary pop-up and are forgiving of service issues, while others expect 5-star service, which is difficult to offer in such a temporary concept.
Discover more about Chef Moody’s Relate Pop-up Restaurant and check out The RelationChef’s website.
Discover more romantic dining and entertainment tips in our San Diego Valentine’s Day Guide.
